Can I Come Out of My House Now?
Do you have mixed feelings about getting back to post-pandemic “normal?” I do, and I have a lot of questions.
The world outside my apartment seems like a big and scary place.
Is it safe to go out?
Go where and with whom? What activities are safe?
My gym is open at limited capacity, but I remember hearing gyms were hotbeds of potential infection. They say it shouldn’t be a problem if I’m around others who are also fully vaccinated, but how do I know who is and who isn’t? What if they’re lying?
The idea of going out to dinner and sitting in a crowded restaurant is now unsettling and makes me lose my appetite. Besides, over the last year, I’ve discovered how much money I save by not going out, and that I’m a pretty damn good cook.
No place is risk-free, just “lower risk.” How low of a risk is low? I’d like to take a road trip, maybe stay in a few hotels here and there, but who was in the room where I would check into the night before? Were they fully vaccinated? Do I have to then sleep with a mask on?
Ewww!
According to the CDC, even though I’ve been fully vaccinated, I should proceed with caution. I can go shopping, dine out, or go to the gym, but I should continue to wear a mask, keep my distance from others, stay away from poorly ventilated spaces, wash my hands often with soap and water, and always carry hand sanitizer on me.
I question if I actually want to go out…yet. Memories of the last great plague, the AIDS crisis have reared their ugly head for this last year and the memories aren’t good. I remember when meeting someone new, writing their name in my address book in pencil rather than pen, because of the uncertainty if they would be around much longer.
I’ve become used to staying in and have adjusted my lifestyle accordingly. Since I work from home, not much has changed on that front. But my space seems more cluttered, which is understandable and acceptable considering I rarely leave to go anywhere. Much of my exercise is yoga and Qi Gong and I do that on Zoom. Yes, I take walks but always with a mask and that has really dampened my enthusiasm for getting fresh air.
Getting Used to the Uplift of the Lockdown
Just as it took some real getting used to life in lockdown, an unexpected challenge is that it will take a similar grand-scale adjustment getting used to the idea of lockdown being over. For starters, I’ll need to shave more often, and I suppose I should start using deodorant again. I’ve become so used to wearing just a t-shirt and sweat pants, I hope at least some of my other clothes still fit me. I guess I should go back to socks and underwear too? That’s going to mean doing laundry more often again. I should also clean my desk and the entire apartment if I’m expecting to entertain others for dinners and more.
Come to think about it, lockdown had its advantages. Re-entry is going to take a lot of effort. And to what end? Wouldn’t it be easier to just stay where I am and continue living my life as a hermit?
Should I Wait for Herd-Immunity?
I’m nervous about how I’ll be able to handle social situations. I used to hug friends hello, or at least shake their hand. Will I be seen as doing it “wrong” if I go back to my old ways? I would like a hug, a kiss, and perhaps even some intimacy, but how long will it take for me to get over the idea that someone’s breath could infect me? Should I wait for herd immunity? Evidently I might have a long wait on my hands.
I fear I have become overly selfish during lockdown. I haven’t had to ask another person’s opinion on when to eat a meal, how late I stay up, or what shows to watch on television. I haven’t offered anyone else a snack or drink, and if I wanted something, I just stopped what I was doing and got it for myself. Will I remember how to be a nice person?
I Want Hugs and Kisses… and Wine Spilled on the Carpet
It seems to me it would be easier to just stay where I am and not make all of that effort to return to civilization. But that’s not what I want. I want to cook for my friends, I want them to spill wine on the carpet, I want to mix drinks for them, and I want hugs and kisses again. I need all of that to thrive and be the social person I used to be.
I Need You Back in My Life
So I will make the effort. I’m just going to go slowly and tiptoe my way back into the world. Forgive me if I seem hesitant, but know I’m trying, because I need people—I need you back in my life.
Let me know in the comments how you’re feeling about all of this.
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May 19, 2021 @ 4:56 am
Larry tghat article reflected exsctly what I was thinking. Thanks for making me feel better about how I feel these days.
May 10, 2021 @ 4:19 pm
Larry, I am crying and laughing. I’ve had to go out for work for the last two months, so I’ve started showering a lot more frequently, and looking at clothes in my closet I haven’t seen in a year. I have a debilitating crush on someone 3000 miles away, partly due, I suspect, to having felt a lot more lonely than I realized. Hugs. Thank God I have my son who visits periodically, and is a great hugger. I actually am not afraid of Covid, being “vaxxed,” but I have worried that I have become somewhat anti-social. I’ve hired someone to help me de-junk, and that is feeling good. Thank you for bringing these subterranean feelings out into words. Articulating thoughts is always helpful in resolution.
May 7, 2021 @ 3:15 am
Larry I have been following your writing for years and it has usually hit home. This time you hit right on target. I was having this conversation with a friend just last week. Perfect, thank you
May 5, 2021 @ 7:07 am
I liked the part about how to act in social settings. I too think I forgot how to act. I can’t actually give up hugging, but I sure wish I knew everyone was going to have to be vaccinated. Oh, I heard a younger person say the other day, “vaxed” is the new word.
May 4, 2021 @ 1:42 pm
Well written explanation of my feelings exactly. How did you know what I was thinking?
May 3, 2021 @ 6:21 pm
Younger people might not be so careful about going out, but at my senior age, I’m with you Larry. It’s probably safe to go out and I’ll be just fine, but I’m used to staying in, so I think I’ll do that for a while longer. Now, how do we get more people to want to get vaccinated?
May 2, 2021 @ 12:06 pm
Haha, you suppose you should go back to wearing socks and underwear. I totally get it, I have been doing less laundry, used less deodorant, but am ready to get back to the real world. Great article, thanks.
May 2, 2021 @ 9:12 am
I was trying to explain how I was feeling to a friend the other day. It was exactly as you are saying, but I just couldn’t find the right words. Thank you, now I can just show her your article and say,
“Me too!”
May 2, 2021 @ 2:16 am
You have totally put into words what we all are thinking. Well done, Larry.
May 2, 2021 @ 2:14 am
This is exactly how I feel. I’m just not ready yet, not sure when I will be, but it will be on my schedule. Excellent job at verbalizing the thoughts of so many people. Thank you. TJ
May 2, 2021 @ 1:31 am
I haven’t been able to properly explain my feelings to others. Now all I have to do is send them this blog. I’m so glad others have the same feelings! Keep this kind of article coming Larry, you inspire us all. Lisa
May 1, 2021 @ 3:59 pm
Thank you,
Very relevant article that reflects how many of us feel about post-covid restriction removals.
I’m looking forward to read more of your articles 🙂
April 29, 2021 @ 4:13 pm
I feel ya Larry. Well articulated and spot on regarding the mixed bag of adapting, re-adapting, accepting and anticipating. No way out but with your gritty realism and willingness to see the bigger picture I hold hope. Let’s keep engaging in the pandemic cha cha or whatever existential dance we might be collectively choreographing. What’s the theme song here?! I kinda like Bastille’s “Surviving”. Love your witty wisdom.